My name is Bridget and I am a recovering control freak. As matter of fact for the first few years of my marriage, I basically demanded to have control over everything. When my husband did decide something, I would nit pick it to the point that he no longer desired to help with anything. In fact, he kinda grew comfortable allowing me to make decisions. That was before I was slapped in the face with the reality that controlling everything was not the way God had intended marriage to work. I had to come to terms with the fact that it was not up to me to lead.
If you are like I was and you are desiring to change the cycle, you are more then likely discovering that once you take it over it is really hard to get your husband to take the lead again. In fact they may have even grown comfortable with the fact that all they have to worry about is just going to work and going along with the motions of day to day life. After so long of not having to step into the leadership role one tends to no longer see the point in even trying.
Giving my husband complete control back in our home was not something that my husband really wanted. Yet I knew that it was something that we needed. We were at a breaking point in our marriage and I knew that things had to change. I also knew that if we didn’t get things back on track, the way God had designed…we were doomed to fail.
Here are 5 things I found helpful in relinquishing control:
- Pray for change within myself: I knew that our marriage had not taken this turn without a lot of my own doing. I needed God to show me the areas where I needed to improve. I also needed God to help me with my need to be in control.
- Ask your husband’s opinion: Here is where it got tricky. When we ask their opinion we need to go with what they say and not nit pick it to pieces. Doing so builds up our man’s self-esteem. They begin to realize that we do indeed value what they have to say.
- Stop undermining his choices: Our husband’s want to please us. When we go behind their back and change their decision, it tells them we aren’t happy with their choice, which in turn, leads to them no longer want to make choices. Him seeing you follow through with what he chooses tells him you are happy with way they have handled things, which makes them want to make more decisions.
- When you do disagree try to actually listen to his reasoning: Shooting down our husband’s ideas before actually taking time to actively listen to their reasoning is demeaning. If listen and still don’t agree, respectfully talk to him about your feelings – reassuring him that in the end the final call is his.
- Reassure him that you trust him and his choices: This needs to be done with both our words and our actions. Tell him how much you appreciate and love him. As he begins to lead, make sure to let him know that you notice and are completely on board with him. After all, you are a team!
Deciding to let your husband lead is a huge step. Allowing and supporting them as they begin to lead…is an even bigger step. However- once you are both on the same page it is well worth the effort.
Until Next Time Just Keep Soaring 4 Him,
This post is part of the Marriage & Motherhood Mondays series. To see others in this series, simply click the image below.
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