When my husband and I first got married I was almost certain that we would always be in the honeymoon stage. We would always put our relationship above all others and we would also want to be completely absorbed in each other. Then something happened, we had children. No longer was our marriage just about us. As we became absorbed in being the best parents that we could be our marriage began to suffer. We, in fact, began to grow apart.
One of the most common excuses that I have heard about marriages ending is that the couple simply grew apart. They started not connecting with each other. Because of this, they felt unloved or confused as to what their placement was in their marriage. The problem with this is that couples who grow apart actually do so when we stop trying. When we take for granted that our spouses’ will always be ours. This allows too many temptations and worldly things to step in where neither has any business being.
Marriage takes time:
When my husband and I were dating we were all about spending time with each other. Both of us worked and I actually attended school full time. However- we did not allow a busy schedule to stop us from spending lots of time together getting to know each other. There were phone calls, letters and yes even face to face dates. For some reason when we are married we seem to forget that our relationship is still going to take our time. Just because we are married doesn’t mean that we can then stop making the effort to take the time. Sure we will have lots of time when the kids move out. Sadly, with this mindset we are going to be left in a marriage with a stranger by the time that happens.
- Have date nights in or out.
- Commit to a night each week to unplug and simply talk.
- Take up a hobby together.
- Send each other text messages throughout the day to touch base.
Marriage takes commitment:
Marriage is a commitment to another person for the rest of your lives. Your spouse needs to know that you don’t want to grow apart from them because you are in fact in it for the long haul. Take time to speak to your spouse and let them know that you want to remain connected. Connected that is as something more than just the mother to his children. You want to continue to be with him and that you are committed to making it work even if it is going to take time.
- Continue to strive to continue to be his girlfriend.
- Don’t stop trying to flirt and catch his eye.
- Say no to some things that will take away from your time with your husband
Marriage takes compromise:
My husband is such a giving man. He says nothing about the fact that every Thursday night he is locked away in his bedroom while I conduct a women’s Bible study group, in fact, he even buys all the snacks for us to consume. He doesn’t say much about my out of home activities that I want to do instead he just needs to know when I am leaving the kids so that I can pursue my activity. He even pays to keep my online ministry going because he knows it brings me great joy. What he does ask is that I take at least one night a week to connect with him. One night a week to simply watch a movie in our living room and to eat dinner with just him. Because of his giving nature, I also have to compromise by being willing to do the same things for him. Compromise isn’t a bad thing. In fact, in doing so, we are safe guarding ourselves against growing apart. We never have to compromise who we are as a person to make our marriage strong. What we need to do is to be willing to compromise and make sure that we are keeping our husbands’ in the loop in all thing things going on in our lives.
- Be willing to discuss things that are going on in your life.
- Openly discuss your concerns and willing to talk about ways you can both work together.
- Trust that in compromising in your marriage that you are safeguarding your marriage.
Life becomes very busy in certain seasons. Yet, there is still no reason that we should allow our marriages to suffer. I would love to know how do you help prevent growing apart in your own marriage.
This post is part of the Marriage & Motherhood Mondays series. To see others in this series, simply click the image below.
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