“For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” 2 Chronicles 16:9
I am sorry I have missed a few days of posts. These past few days have been very long and difficult. My Daddy is still hanging in there and fighting with all he has, but he doesn’t have much strength left. So, I along with my mother and brothers are fighting for him and with him. But I must admit, this is NOT a battle I thought I would ever fight, nor one I wanted to fight.
My youngest brother was able to get leave this weekend from Air Force Tech school. He joined us late Friday night after a very, very emotional day. We were all thrilled to see him, even if it was 10pm!! And, my Daddy was happy too.
Here’s my facebook post on Saturday (copied from my mom):
Yesterday was a busy day. Went down for CT scan. Followed by breathing distress and over to Special Procedures. Stabilized with breathing treatment so on to Radiation therapy. Severe breathing distress, back to Special Procedures. Breathing treatments, sterioids, anxiety, C-pap. CT results available, no PE (basically, blood clot) but right lung collapse. Radiology – chest tube, central line put in and stable enough to do liver biopsy. So many unanswered questions. Thank you Lord for a quiet and restful night. Thank you for letting us see all 3 of our children. (My thoughts) **We have been so blessed by the prayers and support from our family and friends! Thank you all for continuing to intercede on my family’s behalf!!!
After Friday, Saturday was thankfully, an uneventful day. I was able to visit briefly in the morning and then come back up and say goodnight to him. He was extremely tired and needed his rest after Friday.
We were hopeful after his positive day on Saturday, so it was a bit of a shock on Sunday when my mother text me early and said he had a difficult night. Lots of trapped gas causing pain and they were trying to help relieve the pressure. Apparently they were unable to do so. I got a text in the middle of church that said they were inserting a tube to empty the stomach contents and hopefully relieve gas pressure. This did not completely work and his pain was getting worse. They ordered a CT scan (which my brother and mother had to convince him to do, especially after the ordeal on Friday) and found that the intestine was “kinked” and just needed to be relaxed. So they are now in the process of emptying the upper section of intestine in order to allow the kink to relax and hopefully subside. Then, they can again go to work on the lower bowel.
Leaving my Daddy behind at the hospital is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I am absolutely POSITIVE 100% that I will see my Daddy again (when his time comes). I am just not ready to say goodbye. I was blessed to have all 4 of my grandparents alive until I was 25 years old!! And, now the thought of my kids not having their grandpa alive is sometimes more than I can bear. I will miss seeing my Daddy’s smile, hearing is roaring laughter and feeling his warm arms around me when I need a hug. I am just not ready for life without him. But, as we’re reminded in 2 Chronicles 16:9, God is there to strengthen my heart. All I need to do is ask!
But, isn’t that the hardest part…asking? I am perfectly comfortable asking for help with a project. Or asking for help with dinner. Or asking for help with my kids. But when it comes to asking God for help to strengthen us in times of trial…that seems more difficult to me. Now, don’t get me wrong, my entire family and I have been praying for strength during this whole process. But, asking for strength to bear pain…a deep pain you never knew existed before, is so much harder. Maybe it’s because that makes it more real. So.Much.More.Real.
I may not understand why my Daddy and our family has to go through this trial, but I know The One who does. And, if I remain fully committed to Him – He will continue to be my strength.
And in that…that I can find rest.