14 Days: Day 8 ~ Making Time for Making Whoopie

If you’ve missed any posts in this series, you can catch up here.

A slap on the tush as he walks by. The winks during dinner. The gentle brushes up against you as he passes you in the hallway. The subtle (or not so subtle) exchanges of foreplay on his part. And from you…eye rolls. Humphs. Brush offs. And even outright rejection. However, your husband has you in his mind. He wants to take you in his arms and show you just how much he loves you. But, there’s a good chance that you’re like me and at the end of the day all you want to do is put your feet up, enjoy some peace and quiet and fall asleep into blissful slumber.

Sex is a hot topic in the marriage world. Questions and conversations seem to swirl around the web about ways to make sex better or ways to please your man. But the problem isn’t that we can’t or don’t please them, the problem is more often that we don’t make and take the time. It’s hard enough to balance our “mom” and homemaker duties most. Add in time with your husband and your day is on overload. Sex is the last thing on our worn-out, frazzled-to-the-bone minds. But it doesn’t have to be.

Remember when you were first married? You couldn’t wait to get home and see each other after a long day of work. You would spend the evenings talking, hanging out and enjoying each others company. Foreplay was fun and exciting. It didn’t matter how much of it went on, because no one else was in the house. But eventually, all that whoopie would lead to children.

And once kids enter the picture everything seems to change. Somehow sex is something rarely talked and even more scarcely done. Those early days of parenthood are filled with sleepless nights. Foggy mommy-brain sets in and suddenly you find a new way of functioning – a new normal. But the sleepless nights, foggy-brain momma finds herself exhausted and not really in-the-mood at the end of the day.

And for others – like me, Physical Touch is not their love language. Now, don’t get me wrong I like sex. It’s just not vital to my love tank. The truth is though, that I do feel closer to my husband and suddenly our relationship has grown, our love has deepened and our hearts are united. So why do I make such a fuss over it? Why do I stress myself out over whether it will happen? Because I’m not prepared. I’m a planner by nature, so when things aren’t planned I tend to stress out a little. I know…I’m weird.

So here are 5 Tips on Making Time for Making Whoopie from someone who knows and has been there.

1. Set a time. At first I thought this was completely unromantic and just plain weird. But, the more I’ve thought about and seen what happens when we don’t I understand. But, it doesn’t have to be unromantic. Light a few candles and take the time. By carving out a set time for you and your love to be together, you have just made your marriage a priority. Life is busy and crazy and hectic. So setting a time to be together only makes sense. Now…that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun and sex on other nights, but there is no pressure when you’ve set aside time for each other. My best work is accomplished in the evenings when the kids are in bed and the house is quieter. But I am a night owl and can stay up all hours working this blog and getting things ready for our next school day. When that happens, my brain is going 90 miles an hour and I don’t stop. And then I get stressed when my husband tries to “change the plans” I had in my head. You know…the ones he knew nothing about. So, planning ahead alleviates my stress and lets me know sex is coming later. It really does help!
2. Turn off the television. Go to the bedroom. And make it happen. Sometimes taking the initiative will simply spark the mood and things will progress naturally. I am as guilty as the next guy at wanting to watch “my” shows in the evening. Even though we both enjoy the same shows, it’s not a substitute for foreplay. Turn off the tv and go for it! He will thank you for it…believe me!
3. Take a romantic getaway. Anniversaries are a great time to take off for a night and be together just the two of you. Honestly, this past year on our 10th anniversary was the first time, since we married, that we took time out. We had gone to dinner each year, but came back home to the kids and “reality”. Coming back home to a messy house, laundry needing to be done, stepping over toys and dishes in the sink did not “get me in the mood.” In fact, it just wore me out. So do your best to save money throughout the year for a one-night getaway. It doesn’t have to be fancy or overly expensive. Just taking time out for each other and focusing on each other without the distractions of home is well worth it!! And after our overnight trip last year…I think we’ll be taking another one this year!
4. Buy something sexy and wear it to bed. Surprise your man by buying a new, sexy négligé and wear it to bed!! Make a point to get in bed before he does and surprise him under the covers. OR spruce yourself up a bit in the bathroom before and wear it out. Show him you want him!! This puts the ball in your court and allows you to determine when you have sex for once, thus taking the pressure and stress out of  it.
5. Add foreplay into your conversations. Some people have code words they use when talking about sex around their children. Others are very open about it. However you choose to talk about it is up to you. Just don’t shy away from it!! Sometimes it’s an exchange of meaningful glances that make your hearts skip a beat and sometimes it’s in the way you say things. Foreplay doesn’t have to be physical and it’s not reserved for the bedroom. Make it an all day affair. Text him during the day and tell him how much you’re looking forward to the night. If you make his lunch, write a little love note for him to find. If your husband carries a briefcase (or backpack, in my husbands case), put a love note or surprise in there to let him know you are his tonight.

It may take some time to get used to planning a set time for sex, but it will get easier. Over time, it may even seem more spontaneous even when it is planned. You will become more comfortable with each other and more in-tune with the others needs. Your marriage will grow and deepen as you spend more time together intimately. Sex is not dirty and sex is not a tool to be used against one another. So learn that making time for making whoopie is a good thing.

Don’t get discouraged.

Keep working at it.

Your marriage depends on it.

Your marriage IS WORTH IT!!!

How do you make time for sex in your marriage? Is it always spontaneous? Or do you plan it?