Parenting Tips For When Nothing Else Works

What can parents do…

when they can’t get their child to behave?

when the parenting books fall short?

when everything they have tried fails…and nothing seems to work?

when they follow the recommendations of experts and still don’t see results?

That’s where I have been stuck for the past few weeks. My two-year-old, no matter how hard I try, will not listen to me. He refuses to obey even simple commands, like bringing me his shoes or putting his milk on the table. Instead of doing what I ask, he does the opposite.

Some of this, I’m sure, is his age. They don’t call them the “terrible twos” for no reason. My guess is, some of it is his personality too. He’s always been an ornery boy.

Nonetheless, I can’t just ignore the behavior, especially when it puts him in danger (like when we’re crossing the street and he doesn’t want to hold my hand or walk beside me).

So what’s a mom to do…when nothing seems to work?

Here are some suggestions (that I’m trying to do right along with you!).

5 Things Parents Can Do When Nothing Else Works:

1. Pray, pray, and pray some more. 

God loves your kiddos even more than you do, and He knows what they need, so lean into Him. Ask Him for patience and wisdom. Stay connected to Him throughout the day and constantly listen to his whisper in your heart. Ask Him to guide you as you parent, and then trust the directions He lays on your heart.

2. Keep your cool. 

Anger will never change a child’s heart. I know it’s frustrating when a child won’t obey, but anger is not the answer.

“Yelling at a bud won’t make it bloom.” I first read this quote in Courtney Joseph’s book, Women Living Well. I’m not entirely sure if it originated with her or not, but I know I LOVE it, especially as it applies to our children.

3. Keep on loving your child.

Sometimes, especially on difficult days, it’s important to stop what you’re doing and spend time cuddling your difficult child. (Or, if you have a child who refuses to cuddle, do something else that will bond the two of you). No matter how difficult the day has been, make sure at the end of  the day, your children all know you adore them.

4. Keep your perspective. 

What the veteran parents say is true: these days won’t last forever. Keep that in mind on the hard days. Eventually, your child won’t bite. Eventually, he won’t throw himself  on the floor in a fit of anger.  Things will improve. It might take a few months, but they will get better.

One thing I often say to myself is this: “If it won’t matter in twenty years from now, don’t allow it to ruin your week.”

Sure, it’s embarrassing when your child screams at you in the middle of the church foyer or when he hits you across the face because you won’t allow him to walk by himself. Yes, these things need to be dealt with. I’m not suggesting your ignore behavior or give no consequences. What I am suggesting is that you maintain perspective.

5. Don’t blame yourself. 

Some children are stronger-willed than others. Some seem to enjoy testing boundaries or challenging authority. Every child is different. Just because your child isn’t behaving well doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent.

Read parenting books, by all means, and try some of the discipline techniques parenting experts suggest. Try to figure out the source of your child’s behavior. Make necessary changes to your parenting methods. But don’t beat yourself up. Your child’s behavior might have nothing to do with your parenting.

Do your best as a parent and trust God to work in your child’s life. He is, after all, the only one who can really change a heart.

What other tips would you add to this list?

*Photo courtesy: unsplash