“What were you thinking?”
The words had barely left my mouth when I saw something in his eyes. It was something I hadn’t seen before. Or maybe, it wasn’t that I hadn’t seen it before…maybe this was just the first time I noticed.
His chocolate eyes (the eyes everyone says he got from me) told me he was embarrassed and ashamed. Embarrassment happens. I knew that. But I never wanted him to be embarrassed in his own home, around the people who love him regardless of the mistakes he makes. I especially didn’t want him to be embarrassed over something like this.
He hadn’t even done anything wrong. In his words, he was “doing an experiment.” Sure, this particular experiment resulted in my freshly cleaned floors being covered in water. And sure, it resulted in a few toilet paper rolls being soaked in said water and thus clogging the bathroom sink.
But it wasn’t a big deal. Or at least, it shouldn’t have been. It was a mess that could be cleaned.
What I realized as I looked into his sad chocolate eyes was that my home wasn’t a safe place.
Sure, it was physically safe. My husband and I meet our children’s needs, we keep them warm during the cold winter months, we don’t discipline them harshly, and we provide them love, food, shelter, and clothing. But that day (and unfortunately many others) we don’t always provide a safe place for them to make mistakes.
The truth is, I’m a Type-A, get-things-done, task-oriented person. I’m also a recovering perfectionist who struggles with clutter and messes. At times, I fall into the trap of viewing my home as nothing more than a place to keep clean.
I don’t see it as a place where spills happen, experiments backfire, and pee occasionally misses the target.
When my boys get paint on our kitchen table, I often see the mess on the table instead of the masterpiece on the craft paper.
When toys cover the living room floor, I see a mess that needs to be cleaned, rather than a room that has been enjoyed by two laughing, happy boys.
When clothes are covered with mud, I see stains on shirts instead of the smiles on the faces of the boys wearing them.
What I often fail to see is that a home isn’t a place where we have our act together all the time. Rather, a home is a place where we can fail, learn from our mistakes, and practice.
A home isn’t just a place to keep clean. It’s a place to raise a family.
A home is a place where each person in it—whether small or large—is safe. Safe to make mistakes. Safe to get dirty. And safe to fail.
What about you? Do you ever struggle with this? Do you forget the true purpose of a home? What helps you maintain an appropriate mindset?
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This post is part of the Marriage & Motherhood Mondays series. To see others in this series, simply click the image below.
Annette lived many years as an exhausted wife of 1 and mother of 6. Grab your fuzzy blanket, pour your favorite drink, and browse through our encouraging tips, printables, and curriculum options. Read more about me and the ministry here at In All You Do
This Post Has 12 Comments
This was my night last night. My lack of patience resulted in me saying something similar and then hearing just how harsh my words sounded when it really wasn’t a big deal. I just wanted my daughter to listen when I spoke, but I know there were better ways to convey that. Thanks for this. Good challenge and good to know I’m not alone in the struggle.
You are DEFINITELY not alone in this struggle. This parenting thing is so hard sometimes. I thank God often that He is bigger than my mistakes and that He can even work through them to teach my kids something.
I know this feeling all too well. I am learning to just not yell, and have my kids help me clean up when they make a mess. Thanks for sharing with #SocialButterflySunday! Hope to see you link up again this week 🙂
Right there with you…on both the not yelling and on the trying to get kids to clean up after themselves!
Its my hubby. he has been home a lot as there has been a lack of work. he has a cow if our 3 makes a mess. I have told him many times she needs the tackle play. he is very slowly getting there. but at sametime I’m sure he holds it in his antimosty of me.
Hang in there 🙁 I know it’s so hard when it feels like our spouses aren’t learning as quickly as we’d like. But…speaking as someone who struggles with messes, try and be patient with him. Hugs to you! This parenting thing is hard, huh?
Great reminder! I struggle with this. Thanks for sharing with #LMMLinkup!
I’m learning that there really are a lot of us that struggle with this! We are definitely not alone.
This is a great reminder that we should appreciate the things in life that often times clutter it up too. I was raised up in a home where everything had to be perfectly clean and in its place. I never was able to relax there.
I’m glad to see that you’re trying to break loose from that type of mentality. It isn’t an easy task to conquer, and I wish you nothing but the best to make it happen.
Thank you for sharing this on the #HomeMattersParty. We hope to see you when we open our doors at 12AM EST on Friday.
Thank you, Crystal, for the encouragement to keep trying! Hearing your side really helps me know that what I’m trying to do is totally worth the effort. Bless you for sharing, Crystal!
Oh wow, what a powerful (and convicting) post. No, I don’t always make my home a safe place to fail. What a great reminder. Plus those “failures” if handled with grace, can end up being wonderful opportunities for children to learn and grow.
I can’t thank you enough for this.
Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).
Wishing you a lovely evening.
xoxo
Hi Jennifer! Thank you for your kind comment. I love what you said about how these “failures” can be great opportunities to teach our kids. So, so true!