12 Words and Phrases I’m Giving Up in 2014 {Part Two}

Last week I shared Part One of this post over on my friends’ site, Homeschool Encouragement. This post has been on my heart and mind as I began this Giving Up series. While it’s not a topic I care to talk about, it is one that I felt the Lord pushing me to share. Now, understand that “cuss words” are not in my vocabulary. But these words seem to cut like a knife when I say them – so they might as well be just as evil.

Giving anything up is never easy. But it seems especially difficult when there are words and phrases that have snuck into our vocabulary and become almost second nature. They are instant responses that are hurtful – or at the very least not God-honoring. Consequently, the Lord has been working in me to remove these from my vocabulary. So far, I’ve failed almost every day. But, I immediately tell my kids I’m sorry and that Mommi is working to change her words. I ask them to forgive me and we talk about it – together. So in conclusion, here are the remaining 6 phrases I’m giving up in 2014.

1. Are you kidding me? This is typically said with a hint of sarcasm and a gallon of frustration. Neither of which, are traits I want my children to emulate. I often say this in the correct manner, just not in the best tone or with the best attitude. It’s often a phrase that spews out of my mouth when I’ve been out of the room for a few minutes only to walk in on some master plan gone very, very wrong. Nevertheless, the words still sting and hurt my children.
2. What are you doing? This can be a legitimate question with any child, but it has become a phrase I use when I am upset and frustrated. A phrase I use when I don’t want to take the time to stop what I’m doing and actually talk to the child involved. It’s a phrase that my kids have developed an automatic response to, which typically involves an attitude with their sarcastically-toned answer. These are not attitudes or character traits I want my kids to have, so out it goes. I will reserve it for when it is warranted and I will only use calm, quiet tones so my children know the  difference.
3. You’re killing me! While this is said in complete sarcasm, there is a hint of truth when I utter these words. No, they are not literally killing me, but they are killing my plans for the day. They are killing my idea of what the day should look like. For crying out loud – they are kids!!! They have no idea what a “perfect day” looks like for me, nor should they. For the most part, children want to please their parents and all they want is approval. When I use this phrase, they feel a sense of disappointment. Disappointment is the last feeling I want them to have towards me. Oh I know it will happen because I’m human, but I don’t want it to be a regular occurrence. So it’s out.
4. I’m gonna kill you! I hope you know this, but to be clear – I would never, NEVER hurt my children. They are not in any danger and I do not need an influx of emails telling me you’re going to report me. That being said, this is precisely why I must quit saying this phrase. It is a phrase that I know many parents use when they are beyond frustrated and at their whit’s end. I can relate all too well. But, this phrase has got to go. I would never, ever harm my children and I certainly don’t need someone overhear me say this in a moment of frustration and call the authorities on me. It is NOT true, so why do I say it? After thinking long and hard about it, I had no. good. answer. It all came down to being lazy and not willing to stop, listen and correct them in love.
5. Leave me ALONE! Being an introvert, this one is really difficult for me to let go. I am also a night owl, which poses several issues when my husband needs many more hours of sleep than I do. I crave time alone, whether it’s reading my Bible for quiet time, watching a favorite TV show or movie or  working on this blog – I need alone time. BUT…that cannot interfere with the time my children and husband need from me. So I am working on a way that I can have the alone time I crave without giving up the time my family needs from me. Yes, there are times they need to leave me alone – such as when I’m in the bathroom – but there are nicer ways of saying this, which I am going to use from now on.
6. I can’t play right now. When I finally stopped to see the look on my daughter’s face as I told her, yet again, that I did not have time to play, nearly crushed my heart. She was absolutely devastated. All she wanted was a little time with just her and Mom, playing dolls or house or tea party – it didn’t matter. She just wanted me and I completely crushed her spirit. It was at that moment that I vowed I would never just use this line as an excuse to get out of playing with my children. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, yes. So in those times I am choosing to say “not right now” in a soft, gentle tone and quickly follow it up with a time frame of when I will be available. For example, when I’ve got my hands in raw chicken trying to prepare for dinner, I can’t stop. So, I simply give them a time that I will be available – “I can’t play right now because my hands are working with a raw chicken. Give me 10 minutes to finish and I can play then!” That seems to work really well with her (and the others) because I have given them a hopeful ending. Now they will know that I want to play with them, but I just need a few minutes to finish what I’m doing.

So that’s my list. That’s what the Lord has placed on my heart to remove from my vocabulary. But, it’s so much more than just my words that I’m giving up.  He’s asking me to surrender my attitude, my frustration and my busyness. And I’m willing to give it up for Him!! It’s going to work…lots of work. It’s going to patience…LOTS of patience. It’s going to take time.