Finding Hope and Peace in Loss

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12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8,760 minutes. What a difference a year makes. It was one year ago today that we said “See you later” to the baby we would never hold. One year ago that I entered the hospital and operating room pregnant and left empty. Empty arms and an empty womb.

If you're facing loss this year, don't despair...there is HOPE and PEACE in the midst of loss. :: www.inallyoudo.net

I struggled for months with how I should feel and how to grieve a child I never knew or even held. Sometimes the pain was unbearable and I couldn’t contain the tears. Tears would come while watching a movie or even a commercial. Tears would stream down my face uncontrollably as I read about friends who had new babies. And while I long to hold our daughter, Isabelle Faith, in my arms, I couldn’t be happier for my friends welcoming a new life in to their family.

I’d like to say everything is fine and I’m “back to normal.” But the truth is…I’m not. Most days I do well and life continues, but I still have moments and days when I struggle. I struggle not to want another child. I struggle with not being pregnant. And I struggle when my kids ask when we’re going to have another baby.

Just last week, Miss Priss (5), wanted to name her stuffed dog Isabelle. She remembers the precious life we never knew. She has an amazing connection with the sister she never knew, just as she does with the twin we lost when I was pregnant with her. She speaks of them often and longs for the day she will see them in heaven.

And I cry…again. But this time, tears of JOY – knowing that my HOPE is in HIM who holds the future.

Him who formed that tiny precious baby in my womb.

Him who took that life earlier than we planned.

Him who lights my path and guides my steps.

So this Christmas I will continue to focus on the HOPE and PEACE that comes from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. As I remember the lives I have been entrusted with to nurture and raise in Him and the lives that I will have to wait to meet.

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Annette has been married to her husband and best friend since 2003. Together they are raising their six children to follow the Lord’s will, no matter what. Annette longs for the day when she will meet all her angel babies who have entered heaven before her. She enjoys creating fun and engaging printables, unit studies and curriculum for homeschool families. You can follow her crazy life at In All You Do where she blogs about marriage, parenting, and homeschooling all while maintaining her sanity. She is also the owner of Thrifty Homeschoolers, where she shares free printables and resources from around the web as well as deals on curriculum and homeschooling resources. You can also keep up with her via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.

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This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Hugs to you, Annette. Remembering your sweet babies with you today.

  2. I found myself sad and almost insulted as I went to the refrigerator and saw the half empty pre-natal vitamin bottle staring at me. I don’t want to toss them, because I so hope for a new life to start in me. My 5 year old boy asks me daily when God will send us a baby. I try not to stare at other people’s babies…

    I’m with you here.

    Kathrine

    1. It isn’t easy, but one day at a time you can find Hope and Peace again. You will be in my prayers.

  3. You will never be “normal”. You develop a “new normal” once you’ve lost a child. The first year is one of the “toughest” just due to “first Christmas” without that child, “first birthday”, “first xyz”…. those “firsts” are much further apart after year 1. You still have that “not first day of school”, “not graduating”, etc. But anytime I hear of a friend that lost a child (of any age), my heart “aches” knowing the “new path” their life has now taken. You never “forget”, but do learn to “progress” and “keep moving forward”. Hugs!

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